((oh hey nice ask lol))
CW for gender dysphoria and implied transphobia
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The thing about Blake’s hiding spots was how they were never that difficult to find. For Ilia, that is. Whenever she ran off for whatever reason, none of Blake’s other friends or even her parents would have any idea of where she might have gone. But Ilia always managed to find her, though she would never tell anyone how. If Blake needed to be away from everyone else, she felt like it wasn’t her place to change that.
And yet, here she was encroaching on Blake’s alone time again, all because she couldn’t bear just doing nothing. “Hey, Blake?”
She was sitting in the fetal position, in the middle of a nearby forest of palm trees and bushes. It was dark, and the moonlight was blocked out by the trees, but Ilia still managed to find her. She didn’t come too close for fear of startling her, instead calling to her as she slowly stepped into earshot.
“I’m fine, Ilia,” Blake said back without looking up, tucking her head between her knees. “Go back and hang out with the others.”
Ilia didn’t even consider it, taking a few steps closer. “I’d rather be here with you.”
“I’m fine,” Blake said, not believable at all.
“Blake, I…” Her shoulders sagged a bit, knowing with certainty that her efforts at comforting her friend would be in vain, but she had to try. “I’m sorry about what Eikel said, he didn’t mean it like that. He…”
“He’s right,” Blake said. “Maybe I am just going through a phase, just looking for attention.”
“Blake…” Ilia’s heart sank, knowing how little she knew about how to help. What could she even say?
“No one will ever see me the way I want them to,” Blake murmured, shrinking a little as she pulled her legs in closer. “I’ll always just be a boy, a sad, desperate boy who wishes he were something he can never be.”
“But…” Ilia gritted her teeth and squeezed her hands into fists so hard they hurt. Her first impulse was to go find Eikel and make him apologize, maybe break his nose in the process, but she tried to calm down for Blake’s sake. “Blake, you are a girl. You’re as much of a girl as I am.”
“You know that’s not true,” Blake said, finally looking up at her. There were tears on her face, shining in the low light, but she was no longer crying. “But thanks. At least you think so.”
Ilia hated feeling useless, but that’s often how she felt when she would try and fail to cheer Blake up. She felt angrier by the second, both with herself, and with this situation. “I’m going to find Eikel and tell him off.”
“Don’t bother, it’s fine,” Blake told her. “It’s not like that’ll fix anything.”
“It’ll fix him being wrong,” Ilia said. “What he said was wrong, and the fact that him saying that made you feel like this…” She shook her head. “I can’t let him get away with that. He needs to be taught a lesson.”
“Don’t,” Blake said tersely. “You’ll just get yourself in trouble.”
“I don’t care,” Ilia said with a fuming determination. “If no one else is going to do something about this—”
“I said, don’t,” Blake repeated herself, a little louder this time.
Ilia sighed, hanging her head forward, her anger slowly fading. “I’m just…so sick of people saying things like that about you.”
“Me too.”
Ilia looked back over at her, feeling defeated. “Should I just… Do you need to be alone?”
Blake stared at her for a second, then shrugged, extending her legs out in front of herself and sighing. “You can stay, I guess.”
It wasn’t the most encouraging response, but Ilia took it, walking over and sitting down on the grass next to her. She glanced at Blake without looking directly at her, studying her hand as it rested on her own knee. She considered reaching out and holding it for a split second, then chastised herself for even thinking about it. This was not the time. She doubted the time would ever come. Instead, she just kept staring, imagining how warm and soft her hand probably felt.
She took a deep breath, then let it out as a loud sigh. The silence had lingered for too long, so Ilia spoke up. “Blake?”
“Hm?”
“You’re a girl…” She began.
Blake said nothing.
“Because you feel like a girl, you see yourself as a girl…” Ilia shrugged. “What does that mean to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“What does being a girl mean to you?”
Blake was looking directly at her now, her head tilted to the side a bit. “I still don’t get what you mean.”
Ilia shrugged. “I just mean, like…I’m a girl because…because I was told I am, I guess, so I am. But you’re a girl because you choose to be, in a way. I’m just curious about what that’s like…” She looked up at Blake, meeting her golden eyes. “What is it like to do it on purpose?”
~~~
Introducing the Love Under Moonlight AU
elliesgaymachete
